tahariel: (Harry Potter - Ravenclaws smarter)
So today was my first day of actual clinic work in my new job! As many of you are aware, I have been rather concerned that I was going to be incompetent and flail around looking like an idiot. As it was, even though I got three weird patients in a row, I was fine and I'm starting to get an idea of where to gets the notes from and where the put them, and I haven't once accidentally written 'student' under my name. I'm now a legitimate orthoptist!

Yesterday was my graduation, which went really well - I didn't fall over or anything - so I'm just waiting to see the photos from that now. It was bizarrely sunny in Liverpool, considering how rubbish the weather was everywhere else.

So! Basically, everything is still going well! I'm hoping to start writing my new Star Trek fic tonight (I'll be honest, I wanted to do some real planning first, but I'm getting finger-itchy, so. We'll see how it comes out and if it sucks then I'll have to rework it.)
tahariel: (Panic!)
So I was under the impression results were due out on Monday, until I got a text from a friend at about 10:30pm asking me how I'd done. Cue freaking out and trembling all over in a fit of anxiety and 'wtf?!' while I went to find out how I'd done.

While my individual module marks aren't up, which is rather irritating as I really want to know how my dissertation scored, I'm pretty ecstatic to be able to say that I am now the proud holder of a 2:1 BSc Hons degree in orthoptics(!)

I was half convinced I'd fail because of tempting fate through having a job lined up and ready to go, so this is a really fantastic result - exactly what I wanted. And considering that this year (70% of my degree) was almost entirely based on essays, my worst type of exam, I'm pretty damn chuffed.

TL;DR version: OMGYAY! VICTORY DANCE!
tahariel: (Night and Day)
Today I logged onto my email and thought I must have been majorly spammed, because I had so many emails, but it was people wishing me happy birthday! Thank you everyone! I got all the stuff I asked for, which is neat. It was a weird kind of birthday because it didn't feel much like one really due to the fact I had all the normal day stuff to do. But now I am older! And also now I have the second set of Merlin DVDs, so I'm pretty happy all-in-all :D

My dissertation first draft was handed in last Friday, and already my tutor is getting back to me about it - I'm meeting her tomorrow. Which leaves me with - 10? - days to complete the editing and hand in the final version. Plenty of time! (I hope!)

Last week my brain threw a tantrum about doing so much concentrating, so I gave in and went off to read the Twilight books, since I've heard bad things about them but wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

[livejournal.com profile] ionaonie on MSN.">

I read all four of them last week. The first book was by far the best, and I really quite enjoyed it - Iona was shocked, and I have to say I was surprised after all I'd heard about it, but it hit some of my real fiction kinks, and I liked Meyer's style and use of description. However, for the rest of the series, she suffered from a sophomore slump that continued on a downward slope.

Similarly to HP7, I enjoyed books two through four for the most part while I was reading them, but once i had finished was a little unsatisfied. In the first book, Edward is more mysterious and we have to guess at his feelings through his behaviour (which is properly masculine), whereas in the later books, and increasingly so, he starts talking about his feelings far too much and too openly. Even girls don't do that.

The second and third books I still like, but in a general sort of way, with some bits I really thought were good and other parts were kind of meh. But the fourth book, while it had some very good sections, also had large sections where it just read like badfic. There is a loose plot, but mostly it's 'they got married then they had a baby then everything was yay oops need a plot DANGER! yay!' Some individual sections were good, but as a whole it lacked sophistication. It's a shame, because i liked the first one a lot. I've never been a big fan of love triangles, which didn't help; I liked the forbidden romance / they can't touch! edge to the first one. The first book's story has really stuck with me in a big way, my brain is still turning it over and enjoying thinking about it, but the later ones it seems to ignore.



That's what I've been doing lately - working and having brain tantrums! What about you, flist? What are your opinions on Twilight? What have you been up to?
tahariel: (Happiness and excitement)
I passed everything! Yay!

Today was summer results day at Uni of Liverpool. My lowest mark was 59 on the hardest module, and my highest - drumroll, ladies, please - was a 90 on Optics. I'm really pleased!

I averaged the whole thing out while including weighting for different module values, and overall I'm averaging 66%, which is a solid 2:1. This means I have 20 of a possible 30% of my overall degree, which is obviously awesome.

So basically this all boils down to 'Yay! I passed well! I have no resits!'

How are you all doing?
tahariel: (Robotica)
One exam down, four to go *le sigh*

It was pretty good, all things considering, but my stomach decided to have a stress attack as soon as I sat down so I felt pretty nasty all through it. Better now that I've had a sit down, eaten some choccy biccies and read some fanfic. To which I must say:

OMG GO READ THIS NOW. It's an SGA fic by [livejournal.com profile] copperbadge called The Difference Engine, in which John has a robotic brain and Rodney put it there.

Heck, even if you're not into this fandom, this is a work of genius. Go read it anyway.

BTW, it totally made me want to watch Ghost in the Shell again, which you should watch, too, if you haven't seen it :)
tahariel: (Chuck - levitating)
Turns out my placement has wireless internet in the accommodation.

Obviously, this is TOTALLY AWESOME. But it also means that I have a lot more opportunity for procrastination, when I wanted to be writing The Night Tower and maybe even finishing or being nearly there.

So, AWESOME. But also GODDAMMIT.

Now I have to resist temptation! I am not good at resisting temptation!

Anyways, I will be in contact this week, unexpectedly :)

How was your day, dear? )
tahariel: (Submerged)
Hey honeybunches! I am sorry it's taken me so long to post again here (as ever), but my only defence is that I have been very busy this last week, doing stuff and junk. (Yeah, that important :D)

I've been busy this week! So I'll start where I left off - my birthday party last Tuesday. )

...all this really boils down to is that I haven't done any writing for much too long, and I'm sort of making excuses with myself for being so slow. I should be faster than I am, or something - if I ever got published I would have to be faster. Which is why I've decided to void my New Year's Resolution to get the manuscript off to agents by the end of the year. I'm just not convinced that I could manage the publishing thing while trying to finish my dissertation and degree at the same time without dying of overwork. "Oh, sorry Mr Publisher, no book for you - I have to revise for my exam." So I'm going to delay until I finish university, and then - publishing time! Hopefully :D And by then I might have two books in the series, which makes people keener than just having the first book in a series, so that could help, too.
tahariel: (Happiness and excitement)
Exam results came out today and I've passed everything!

Stats - 74%
Neuro-ophthalmology - 71%
Paediatric Ophthalmology - 67%
Investigation of Concomitant Strabismus - 40%

The last one was the nasty essay exam I had to do after spending three days freaking out about Dad getting engaged, and the exactness of getting the pass mark suggests to me that they went looking for marks to give me to let me pass, but I passed so I'm happy! That's two 1sts, a 2:1 and a 3rd.

One result left to come out, don't know when, will let you know :)
tahariel: (Happiness and excitement)
Finished the first draft of the Big Scary Assignment, thank God! With eight references, five of them journal articles, so now I just need to go back to it tomorrow and work it over until it doesn't suck. It's not due until next Thursday, so I'm glad I've got most of it done. Now I've only got the A-level level Neurophysiology assignment to do, which should be relatively easy comparatively.

Thank God, basically summarises it. I'm just glad I finally sat down and did it - I was kind maybe a little bit procrastinating a tiny weeny bit on this one. Um. Yeah.

But now I can totally do some writing! Or watch NCIS, whatever. They're totally equal on the acheivement front, I'm sure you'll agree.
tahariel: (The Night Tower - canals and drawbridges)
I've been thinking about something Myv has said to me, about the way I work and how much work I do. She says that, at least at the moment, I'm not taking a degree, I'm writing a novel - and to some extent I think she's right. I'm not very good at doing things I don't want to do, and too good at doing the things I do. I need to find a better balance between the two and get work done.

...I still desperately want to crack on with my novel, though.
tahariel: (Default)
As it turns out, spending an hour by myself with music on so loud that I could pretend nobody else in the world existed and lopping off heads in this Headless Horseman game made me feel better, so I actually had a great time at the concert :)

I went with my friend Sam to see KT Tunstall at the Guild of Students, and as always KT was a fantastic performer - full of energy, and a great live singer. It was monstrously hot and we had to stand up the whole time and afterwards I could barely walk, but it was fun, especially after Sam and me swapped places and then we could both see - me over the head of the middle-aged lady bopping from side to side so that Sam couldn't see around her, and her through a gap I hadn't been able to use, because previously I had been staring either through the double of the balding man in front of me's head or directly at the back of his head, depending on his irritating talent for moving directly into my line of sight in any given minute. Belting out 'Black Horse and the Cherry Tree' at full volume with crashing guitars more than made up for this.

Yesterday morning I went to play with Ben, too, the autistic boy I'm volunteering with, and it went really well. Not only did I not get lost on the buses this time, but we had an instant rapport again - which apparently never happens - and I played with him for a solid half hour alone before he decided we were leaving his playroom, which also never happens. (Sarah, Ben's Mum, told me that some of her volunteers have taken six months to get him in there for an hour. She wants me to drop out of uni and become his nanny :D) I love that kid. And I really, hugely enjoy going over there, because he's fun to play with but also his Mum is lovely and I really like her. Two hours a week at least is going to fly by.

On top of all that, I was barely at home yesterday, but I still managed to churn out a good 600 words more on my novel, which pleases me, though I then woke up this morning unable to breathe through my nose and am still in my pyjamas and dressing gown, lounging around reading my writing book, which I'm really glad I bought because it's ace. Not so much a 'make up characters like this' as a 'writing is pretty much like this' kind of book, with helpful hints about publication and such. It made me laugh out loud a lot, until Myv threw me out of her room, and I was highly amused to see that she recommends copying your novel several times and carrying it on a data stick in your purse in case your house burns down, which is exactly what I do! (Plus I have a copy in my room in case my handbag is stolen, plus a copy with my Dad in the fireproof safe, plus Susan always has a copy, plus I upload anything new to Google Documents in case every computer I know goes down. This is not just paranoia, folks, it's psychosis, but at least I'll never lose my work!)

AS WELL AS ALL THAT, the poster I designed for the play I'm stage managing (Midsummer Night's Dream) has been approved by the director and I'm doing the touch-ups today. I'm really pleased with it, you can see the current version here.

This is a very long post for me. I'd probably better go have a lie down :D

ETA: Jesus Fuck. Sam just came in and told me that Marc and Myv are breaking up - he's breaking up with her because he can't do the long distance thing any more. I don't know what to do about this. There's nothing much I can do, but... she's going home for a few days. Not surprising, as they've been going out for three years. Bugger. This sucks. Poor Myv.
tahariel: (Fish out of water)
First things first...

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
45,339 / 100,000
(45.3%)


Whee! Only 4,661 words until I can buy myself another book about writing! (I have a lot of fun reading them, even though I write without referencing them. I feel motivated afterwards and like I might have learned something, and I love to discuss writing, so this is almost as good as that!) And also, of course I then lend them to [livejournal.com profile] blondeyetti, so it's like a cycle of goodness ^-^

(If anyone ever feels like discussing writing, by the way, OHMIGOD PICK ME, PICK ME! because I really, really enjoy it. My project, your project, writing in general...)

Bulletpoints, because I haven't used them in a while!

  • Anyway, real life stuff! We've been given LOADS of work this week, and I was going to go to the anime club's fangirl sleepover on Saturday, but I don't think I can justify the time to myself TT-TT I really have loads I have to get done, which is sad. (The sleepover is from, like, two o'clock on Saturday afternoon, so it really would eat up too much time, unfortunately.) I have loads of Self-Directed Learning due.

  • Today I downloaded some free novel-planning software off the net, and I have to say that I really like it. I'm not going to use it to actually write my novel, but it's useful to look at structure and things - like tracking where each character is, where scenes are, whether there's enough tension all the way through or if there are low patches, that sort of thing. I plugged in everything I've done so far, anyway, and I'm half in love with it. If anyone's interested, you can find it here, it's called ywriter.

  • I'm getting all wound up more easily at the moment, which I think is probably because of a few different things - more work, plus going to talk to the phD student about Mum stirred that up, and one of my friends' Dad died. (I'd say who it was, but she hasn't said that I could, so.) Plus the Postal Strike is still on here, with no end in sight, and I'm getting PISSED OFF. I ordered my copy of the new Temeraire book from the States so that I could read it as soon as possible, goddammit!

    But basically all my issues are closer to the surface at the moment, so for instance I'm finding it hard to convince myself (again) that the reason I've not met anyone yet, like, ever, is not because there is something fundamentally wrong with me, it's just a case of timing. Sometimes I'm just very aware of being twenty years old and never had a boyfriend, you know? I want somebody to be close to, who will say nice things to me even though he'll tease me like hell too, etc etc. And so on and so forth.

  • I need ten more fics that I love enough to rec on my del.icio.us, because then I will have exactly 1000 fics linked on there, in loads of different fandoms. Can anybody rec me anything to read? Please?

    Okay, that's it for now :D
  • tahariel: (Cloud Nine)
    So I really ought to post more, huh? (Hey, look at the new icon I made - it came out cool, huh? Yes, I am modest as well as talented.)

    Not a lot going on, really. I'm just finished my second week of lectures (which I'm enjoying, by the way - learning new things is made. Of. Awesome.) I'm really liking anatomy, because I like knowing the names of all the different fiddly bits of things (we're only doing the skull and orbit, for obvious reasons) and seeing how it all fits together. It's like the best sort of jigsaw puzzle :)

    I'm really trying to knuckle down and write again. I'm in that sticky place, and if I make myself I can write, but I'm not just sitting down and doing it at the moment, which is annoying, because I do enjoy it. I really need to break the habit, too, of always starting at about 10:30pm and writing until I wake up the next morning with dark circles. Anyway, drumrolls please:

    Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
    34,670 / 100,000
    (34.7%)


    Ta da!


    I can't remember what else I've already told you about, so I'm going to ramble a bit more, okay?

    I've joined the Drama Society this year, wanting to do backstage team work, and I've got the exact job I wanted, which rules - I'm stage manager for Midsummer Night's Dream! This means I get to make lists, organise props and stage, and boss people around. So, perfect :D I'm really looking forward to getting going with it. The play is on at the end of November (not that I expect you all to pick up sticks and come and see it - I'm a bit out of your way, mostly, am I right?) I'm doing the graphic design, too, at least for that play and possibly for the three others we're putting on this term (it's a big society!) So I'll let you see the posters when they're done. On top of even that, they're going to be running writing workshops - aimed at screenplays and scriptwriting, but I think it could be really useful anyway. Dialogue and character are important in almost every type of writing, so if I can work at it and improve, that's a good thing!


    I'm also going to my first Anime Club meeting this evening. I wasn't sure if I was going to go, because it sounds like Drama could be really busy, but then I met [livejournal.com profile] tellezara on the Orthoptic night out, and it sounds fun and fannish, and I have no fannish friends here, so I'm going to go. Hopefully it will be awesome :)


    That's all I can think of for now. I'll post again... some time :D
    tahariel: (Sleeeeeep)
    Hi everyone!

    Just to let you know I'm alive and well in Liverpool. I only got my internet sorted out today, so. I haven't caught up with lj yet, anyway, so if you get a late response to something, don't be surprised.

    I'll make a better post tomorrow, I promise :)
    tahariel: (Panic!)
    So I just went and posted my two essays I had to redo off to uni to get marked and stuff.

    OHMIGODNOWICAN'TTAKETHEMBACK!

    Yeah. That. I'm relieved that they're done and gone, but I'm still panicking at the idea that now I can't work on them some more (even though I think I did everything I could have.)

    Anyone been keeping secret the fact that they're actually a time-travelling ninja who can go to Liverpool and either intercept my essays or force the lecturers to pass me? Anyone? Please?

    ETA: Making myself write again; very difficult one-handed, but the guinea pig looks so comfy sitting in my other hand...
    tahariel: (Fury)
    So this has been A BAD WEEKEND.

    On Friday I fell over and hurt my foot. I then proceeded not to be able to walk on it for the rest of Friday, to only be able to limp very badly on Saturday, and today to have to limp m way through the trains etc to get to Liverpool by myself with my baggage. Then, when I got to Halls, (thank God Myv had come to help me because of the limp), the porter was gone from the Hall I was supposed to be staying in and although, when security checked for me, my name was on the list of people staying, there was no key for me. So I had to go to a different Hall and the porter there was rude, unhelpful, a dickhead, and kept talking to my boobs as I got more and more agitated. So now I'm staying in this Hall for the night and moving (hopefully) into the one I'm supposed to be in tomorrow when I get back from the hospital, around which I will be limping.

    RARGH!
    tahariel: (Harry Potter - Travelling)
    Home tomorrow. Cue PANIC about fitting everything into the car.

    OHMIGODOHMIGODOHMIGODIT'SNOTGOINGTOFITOHMIGOD

    Seriously, where did all this stuff come from?
    tahariel: (PotC - Elizabeth - delicate)
    So a lot of you know that I used to do some 'work' with a little boy named Al who is autistic, that basically involved helping him learn to socialise and talk to people and meet their eyes, and that it was fantastic fun and I loved him to bits and the only reason I stopped was because I kind of fell out with his mother.

    I totally just volunteered again for another little boy here in Liverpool.

    The thing is - the thing is, that I'm hoping I'll get as much out of it as I did with Al, but now that I've done it and called and made an appointment to meet them I have this sinking feeling in my stomach that I'm pretty sure is nerves because of how things ended with Al's mum Hayley, which was Badly. And it was long, drawn out and horrible. Because she couldn't say to me that she wasn't comfortable with me any more, and I couldn't say 'what's wrong, why are we like this?' because I didn't know why. And Mum had just died like four months before, and Lucy was ill, and I was... well. So now I have nerves, and I hate it because it's going to mess me up in the head until it either goes well or doesn't (which will be decided on Saturday, by the way. Sam's going with me in case they're scary, but not to volunteer.) (In case anyone is interested, the reason we fell out is because she raised her kids by never saying no to them, and Charlie, who was the only non-autistic child, was a holy terror, and I told him off for beng about to smack me in the shins with an enormous bag of lego that he'd already hit Lolly - his sister - with and made her cry. Apparently, one should never tell off one's children, one should always be positive and say 'yes' to good things, not 'no' to bad things. Which I disagree with at a fundamental level.)

    I'm really, really hoping it goes well. Not only because it'll be great experience and look good on a CV and it's relevant to my future line of work, but because I loved Al SO MUCH. And I do miss him, you know. So wish me luck.
    tahariel: (Hug love)
    I've been... introspective of late. Thinking about how nice it would be to have fannish friends here, for instance, because I don't, really. I miss being able to sit down with you all and laugh about things like that.

    And I really want to write again but I don't know how. I want to write something wistful and bittersweet and perfect, but I don't know how or where to start. I'm worried that I'll never finish anything ever again, and that even though I love writing I might never be good enough.

    I worry that nobody here really understands my... things. My little obsessive things. I got my exam results yesterday - I passed well, by the way - and Myv said something along the lines of 'oh, they're not that sickening' and I thought, 'shit, you know, that's the worst possible thing you could have said to me. And none of my high school friends would have said that to me.' Because when it comes to my grades, I hear 'oh, they're not that good' instead, and anything anybody says that can even vaguely be taken negatively gets stuck in my head and I get sucked down into fear and self-loathing and worry that I'm not good enough and I never will work hard enough and I'll never make it. I'm not saying that you would consciously know not to say that. But you just wouldn't, and I miss that. Somehow you managed to sidestep all my little problems without being aware of it, and I'm retrospectively grateful for that, because my life could have been so much worse if you hadn't.

    I'm lonely, even though I have friends who I like very much. I want somebody who likes me best. And somebody, not necessarily the same person, who will sit down with me and chat for hours about ridiculously fannish things and not care about the crazy things I say and not tell me that I make them feel stupid just by talking. Because I don't mean to.

    And I don't know what to do about any of this except keep trying. Which may be the healthy thing to do, I think.

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