tahariel | Entries tagged with placement

Feeling really down and discouraged after placement today like maybe I am the most incompetent orthoptic student in the history of ever and will never be good enough to practice for real, and that maybe I should just go work as a Field Technician instead because I can do the grunt work okay at least.

I think the worst thing about is that Nicola - who was the orthoptist tutoring me today - kept pulling me up on things I should have done and asking me questions I should have known the answers to, and isn't even mean - just keeps pointing out all the things I do wrong and don't know, and she's nice when we're not talking orthoptics so clearly it's just that I am dumb.

After Canterbury I was so energised and felt really good and here I feel like maybe I'm wasting their time. I knew coming in that this is supposed to be a tough placement but I didn't think it would be tough because I was incompetent. I'm actually crying a bit. I never do that.

I really, really hate feeling this useless and pathetic.

Current Mood: crushed
Current Location: Birmingham

101,729 / 120,000
(84.8%)

120,000 words is a total guesstimate, but I do still have to write a few more parts before the Exciting! Conclusion! so it's probably a good one. Anyway, yay!

Today I'm going to go see Canterbury Cathedral down in town. If I don't go I'll be annoyed at myself later, even if I do feel like being a bit of a hermit today. Maybe go to the cinema to see Indy IV, too, but maybe Ill do that later in the week.

Dad told me on the phone on Friday that he and Gail have decided to set a date for the wedding! They're sick of waiting for the housing market, and they'll sort out whatever logistical problems this causes afterwards. Of course, typically, they decided to have it in early November, which is when I told them not to because I'm going to be on placement God knows where, so now I'm going to have to go to Gail Stephenson and beg for help on being close to home for this one, especially since I'm going to have to take a day or two off placement for it and they add up to marks this time. Dammit, Dad! I love you but this is aggravating!

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Location: Canterbury

Turns out my placement has wireless internet in the accommodation.

Obviously, this is TOTALLY AWESOME. But it also means that I have a lot more opportunity for procrastination, when I wanted to be writing The Night Tower and maybe even finishing or being nearly there.

So, AWESOME. But also GODDAMMIT.

Now I have to resist temptation! I am not good at resisting temptation!

Anyways, I will be in contact this week, unexpectedly :)

( How was your day, dear? )

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Location: Torquay

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I know I'm in my own world... it's okay, they know me here

...I want to be what you need

Entries tagged with placement

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La la la la wordcount and life

Aaaaand... we have internet!

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December 2011

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