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So a lot of you know that I used to do some 'work' with a little boy named Al who is autistic, that basically involved helping him learn to socialise and talk to people and meet their eyes, and that it was fantastic fun and I loved him to bits and the only reason I stopped was because I kind of fell out with his mother.
I totally just volunteered again for another little boy here in Liverpool.
The thing is - the thing is, that I'm hoping I'll get as much out of it as I did with Al, but now that I've done it and called and made an appointment to meet them I have this sinking feeling in my stomach that I'm pretty sure is nerves because of how things ended with Al's mum Hayley, which was Badly. And it was long, drawn out and horrible. Because she couldn't say to me that she wasn't comfortable with me any more, and I couldn't say 'what's wrong, why are we like this?' because I didn't know why. And Mum had just died like four months before, and Lucy was ill, and I was... well. So now I have nerves, and I hate it because it's going to mess me up in the head until it either goes well or doesn't (which will be decided on Saturday, by the way. Sam's going with me in case they're scary, but not to volunteer.) (In case anyone is interested, the reason we fell out is because she raised her kids by never saying no to them, and Charlie, who was the only non-autistic child, was a holy terror, and I told him off for beng about to smack me in the shins with an enormous bag of lego that he'd already hit Lolly - his sister - with and made her cry. Apparently, one should never tell off one's children, one should always be positive and say 'yes' to good things, not 'no' to bad things. Which I disagree with at a fundamental level.)
I'm really, really hoping it goes well. Not only because it'll be great experience and look good on a CV and it's relevant to my future line of work, but because I loved Al SO MUCH. And I do miss him, you know. So wish me luck.
I totally just volunteered again for another little boy here in Liverpool.
The thing is - the thing is, that I'm hoping I'll get as much out of it as I did with Al, but now that I've done it and called and made an appointment to meet them I have this sinking feeling in my stomach that I'm pretty sure is nerves because of how things ended with Al's mum Hayley, which was Badly. And it was long, drawn out and horrible. Because she couldn't say to me that she wasn't comfortable with me any more, and I couldn't say 'what's wrong, why are we like this?' because I didn't know why. And Mum had just died like four months before, and Lucy was ill, and I was... well. So now I have nerves, and I hate it because it's going to mess me up in the head until it either goes well or doesn't (which will be decided on Saturday, by the way. Sam's going with me in case they're scary, but not to volunteer.) (In case anyone is interested, the reason we fell out is because she raised her kids by never saying no to them, and Charlie, who was the only non-autistic child, was a holy terror, and I told him off for beng about to smack me in the shins with an enormous bag of lego that he'd already hit Lolly - his sister - with and made her cry. Apparently, one should never tell off one's children, one should always be positive and say 'yes' to good things, not 'no' to bad things. Which I disagree with at a fundamental level.)
I'm really, really hoping it goes well. Not only because it'll be great experience and look good on a CV and it's relevant to my future line of work, but because I loved Al SO MUCH. And I do miss him, you know. So wish me luck.
