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Jan. 6th, 2005 04:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
taharielWell, today I feel like the hugest loser in the history of loserdom.
I can't write more than 6000 words without getting stuck (Irith excluded), I can't do Pure 2, I sit around all day staring at nothing because I have subconscious depression practically oozing from every pore, I depress everyone because I'm depressed while I'm usually relatively lively, my mum is dead, my dog is dead and I have a migraine. Yesterday I spent the evening crying so hard I had a migraine and thought I was going to throw up. I had to take a bucket upstairs with me in case I needed to vomit in the middle of the night.
My life is falling down around me in pieces and I have exams starting next week. Special consideration or not, I'm going to absolutely suck at them and screw up all my chances of Cardiff. Then I'll have to go and learn to be a roadsweeper (only getting in on Clearing) and spend the rest of my life eating out of a dumpster.
It's probably not as bad as all that, really. But I need to vent somewhere and here is as good a place as any. I know I can write, but I also know that I'm so stupid I can't finish anything. Do you know how many things I've started and never finished? I don't know the number but I know that it SUCKS. How the hell am I ever gonna finish NaNoWriYe like this when I can't even finish my sandwich?
Life sucks. I'll just sit here and wait for something else horrible to come kick me in the ass like the drama queen I am (because that's how all this sounds, whether I really think it or not). I think the word I want is FUCK. My life is totally FUCKED OVER and it's not even my fault or something I can change, or me just saying it because I'm a teenager. I hate this so much! *scream*
I can't write more than 6000 words without getting stuck (Irith excluded), I can't do Pure 2, I sit around all day staring at nothing because I have subconscious depression practically oozing from every pore, I depress everyone because I'm depressed while I'm usually relatively lively, my mum is dead, my dog is dead and I have a migraine. Yesterday I spent the evening crying so hard I had a migraine and thought I was going to throw up. I had to take a bucket upstairs with me in case I needed to vomit in the middle of the night.
My life is falling down around me in pieces and I have exams starting next week. Special consideration or not, I'm going to absolutely suck at them and screw up all my chances of Cardiff. Then I'll have to go and learn to be a roadsweeper (only getting in on Clearing) and spend the rest of my life eating out of a dumpster.
It's probably not as bad as all that, really. But I need to vent somewhere and here is as good a place as any. I know I can write, but I also know that I'm so stupid I can't finish anything. Do you know how many things I've started and never finished? I don't know the number but I know that it SUCKS. How the hell am I ever gonna finish NaNoWriYe like this when I can't even finish my sandwich?
Life sucks. I'll just sit here and wait for something else horrible to come kick me in the ass like the drama queen I am (because that's how all this sounds, whether I really think it or not). I think the word I want is FUCK. My life is totally FUCKED OVER and it's not even my fault or something I can change, or me just saying it because I'm a teenager. I hate this so much! *scream*
