(no subject)

I'm sick of pretending to be who I was before all of this. If that makes me rude then so be it. I'm too tired to fake wanting to socialise with people when I don't want to or being happy when I'm not, at least when I'm consciously aware of what I'm doing.

Just because I don't want to speak to anyone doesn't make me sick or 'not okay', it just makes me not want to speak to anyone! There's nothing wrong with that! But my Dad doesn't seem to get that sometimes I like to be left alone, and my Grandparents being here or not doesn't affect that as far as I'm aware. I'd be the same if they weren't but Dad and Lucy just wouldn't notice, that's all.

Writing again (at last)

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Writing again now... somehow I can this afternoon. It's a very good thing - makes me feel better to know I've written something.

Burying Mum's ashes today was fine, but my Grandma doesn't know when to keep her big mouth shut. She talked all the way to and from the crematorium at the funeral when all we wanted was to be quiet and she kept talking all the time today. I just wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up but you can't say that to your Grandma, can you?

Anyway, feeling a little better. Not looking forward to spending the evening with her, really.