(no subject)

Better than last night. Sorry to those who were alarmed.

Well, my Grandparents are over here now (we're burying Mum's ashes tomorrow) and my Grandma, typically, wanted to know all the details about the night Mum had her aneurysm. Surprisingly enough, I didn't want to have to listen to all of that again, so I ran away and did all the washing up and drying to avoid it.

Is it wrong to want to have that somehow acknowledged? It's not something I'd normally do - 'normal' me would have left Lucy the drying up despite the fact that I know she hates it.

Better than yesterday. But still a bit down. So no more writing yet. Hopefully soon, maybe when I go to bed tonight.

Numbness

I'm numb.

I know I'm numb and I don't like it. Maybe recognising it is a good thing.

I've been quite 'exclusive' the last couple of days - it's the way we describe it when Al pulls back into himself and ignores everyone else. I don't want to talk. I just want to sit very still and very quiet and concentrate on whatever I'm doing. It's like there's a bubble around me holding off everything else.

Weird, huh?