Dec. 10th, 2004

tahariel: (Default)
Today is Mum's funeral.
I wish it wasn't, as in I wish that she didn't need one at all. It was quick and it was painless, but only for her, and right now I'm really hurting.
I got my first really good school report in seven years last night, and she never saw it. She would have been so happy, and I was so worried about it before all this happened but now it's turned out alright and she might never know (I don't know what happens after death; I have no clear ideas.)
She'll never see me go to university. She'll never see my 18th birthday. She'll never see me graduate. She'll never see my wedding, my job, my kids, my house. (These are in no particular order, I hope you understand.)
She'll never see me get published, if indeed I ever do. I won't be able to call her and ask her advice on things (not that I can't talk to my Dad, but she was my Mum.
This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me and I hate it. I hate the fact that I have to take pills to sleep, that I can't see the computer keys now because I'm crying, that there are only three of us.

Let's go back to where we were before,
Though that's a dream and nothing more
A memory of a past that changed the future
Let's go back to how we used to be
Because right now I'm just a memory of me
An invalid that no stitches can suture

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tahariel

December 2011

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