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46,884 / 50,000 (93.0%)

I stayed off school today to try and recover some of the ground I lost by finally giving in to my stress yesterday night. And spent most of it hiding in my room from the cleaner, hence the rather larger word count. I'm not kidding. She was here for four hours, when she was supposed to spend two, once she was here I had to get up, and though she's very nice I just wanted to be left alone for goddamn once! I got maybe an hour at most before my Dad came home, and that was it. I'm a bit pissed about it, to be perfectly honest.

Anyways, so the word count is dramatically up (yay) and my stress levels are reasonably down (also good), though I don't imagine it'll stay that way. Eventually I'll go nuts again - it's just a case of wait and see.

I don't like talking about how I feel. I don't mind this because I have control over it, but talking about it is a good way to get me riled and to clam up like... well, like a clam. I feel humiliated and somehow dirty for spilling stuff like that face to face, and I hate it because it's irrational. I sort of think it's a thing I get from Mum - she was a bit like that, not showing her emotions.

But I got this idea from jaksbin (aka Sammy) about listing my favourite songs and why I like them. So here we go :) They're not in any particular order.

1) Has to be Simple and Clean by Hikaru Utada. I originally heard and fell in love with this song when I heard it on the game Kingdom Hearts, but it really speaks to me. (This is the English version, not Hikari, the Japanese version.) There's just something about the way it describes love that really gets me and the way I like to think about it.

Hold me, whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before...

2) Bedshaped by Keane; there's something about the melody that is very relaxing and also just gets to me. Calm, rippling, wonderful.

3) Gifts and Curses by Yellowcard, from the second Spider-man OST; it's all about self-sacrifice for people you care about, and protecting them. It's the kind of person I'd love to be, when I'm losing myself in fantasy (and that was almost an original lyric all by itself... neat.)

4) Into the West by Annie Lennox, from the RotK OST. If you know the song this one is fairly self-explanatory as a choice.

5) Answer by Sarah McLachlan; there's a deep undercurrent there, if you listen to the lyrics and the mood of the song. Emotions really are the important thing to me in music, which is why I listen to so much japanese stuff despite not understanding a word. If there's enough emotion, it transfers across all cultures.

Cast me gently, into morning
For the night has been unkind...

6) Wherever You Will Go by The Calling. Wonderful song.

7) Bleed for Me by Saliva; don't ask me why. Another sacrifice, sad sort of love song.

8) F-f-f-falling by The Rasmus; a song about being creative, about what it means to be creative and the mindset you end up in if you're really dedicated to it. Fits me well enough :)

9) Clocks by Coldplay; just love the melodies.

10) Numb by Linkin Park; really defines the whole time when my parents were constantly on my back about my work and I couldn't admit I was struggling. Strikes a huge cord even now, especially when I feel like I'm failing my A-levels (which I'm probably not, but see yesterday's entry.)

11) Touched by Vast; understated but wonderful. Bizarre.

12) The Dark is Rising by Mercury Rev; totally fits the series The Dark is Rising, surprisingly enough. Just interesting.

13) One by One by The Calling; gives me a real sense of my place on this planet as part of a huge net of life. I like that, especially right now.

14) Lots of J-pop!

That's it for today; going to go update rainbownumber7 now!