tahariel | (no subject)

Feeling really down and discouraged after placement today like maybe I am the most incompetent orthoptic student in the history of ever and will never be good enough to practice for real, and that maybe I should just go work as a Field Technician instead because I can do the grunt work okay at least.

I think the worst thing about is that Nicola - who was the orthoptist tutoring me today - kept pulling me up on things I should have done and asking me questions I should have known the answers to, and isn't even mean - just keeps pointing out all the things I do wrong and don't know, and she's nice when we're not talking orthoptics so clearly it's just that I am dumb.

After Canterbury I was so energised and felt really good and here I feel like maybe I'm wasting their time. I knew coming in that this is supposed to be a tough placement but I didn't think it would be tough because I was incompetent. I'm actually crying a bit. I never do that.

I really, really hate feeling this useless and pathetic.

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Unfortunately I've asked for Moorfields next year since it's close to home etc and apparently they're even worse 0-0

Today was a much better day though. I talked to my placement tutor about it and she said I needed to set myself lower goals maybe and was really nice to me all morning, and I don't have Nicola again until next Friday morning, and that's just for Fields, so.

Hopefully things are going to get better.

Moorfields is actually better. I know someone who went to both places and they loved Moorfields, the odd bad day and the bedbugs in the YMCA aside! Good to hear today was better - you'll have ups and downs throughout I'm sure, but one week down and three left ^^