tahariel | (no subject)

Feeling really down and discouraged after placement today like maybe I am the most incompetent orthoptic student in the history of ever and will never be good enough to practice for real, and that maybe I should just go work as a Field Technician instead because I can do the grunt work okay at least.

I think the worst thing about is that Nicola - who was the orthoptist tutoring me today - kept pulling me up on things I should have done and asking me questions I should have known the answers to, and isn't even mean - just keeps pointing out all the things I do wrong and don't know, and she's nice when we're not talking orthoptics so clearly it's just that I am dumb.

After Canterbury I was so energised and felt really good and here I feel like maybe I'm wasting their time. I knew coming in that this is supposed to be a tough placement but I didn't think it would be tough because I was incompetent. I'm actually crying a bit. I never do that.

I really, really hate feeling this useless and pathetic.

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Thanks, I needed that. *hugs* Congrats on being officially official now, btw :)

Thankyou! So you've only been there four days and they're already picking on you? FFS ¬_¬ Most places at least allow you a week's grace because they know you're a bit rusty. It's amazing how much you forget, even when it's only been a month or so since your last placement, because you've been cramming theory in between for exams.

Well, because you're getting Birmingham out of the way now here's hoping you get sent to some good places in third year. It's amazing what it's like to go somewhere nice after being at Birmingham or Frimley Park - it's an epiphany, like rediscovering why you signed up for the course, haha. I know it sounds like I'm exaggerating, but honestly, Frimley Park broke my confidence so badly that when I went to St. Asaph in the Easter of second year, I was dreading another fortnight of being shit at everything. But they were so goddamn lovely at St. Asaph, it was just incredible, and it brings out what you're truly capable of because you can actually do stuff and you're good at it, and they tell you so. It just goes to show what a difference the tutor feedback style makes to your performance.

But I was fortunate with regard to Frimley - Gail knew it was a shit placement as a whole, and they send people there because they don't have much choice. And so they ignored the bad report I received there. Whereas the feedback from Birmingham they sit up and take more notice of. Like I said, at Birmingham you usually come out with a good mark if they're satisfied with your performance, however shit they make you out to be when you're actually there. Which is why it's really important to try and be strong on the inside, though I know how damn hard it is when they're wearing you down day after day :( Best of luck, and do have a rant on here as and when you need to!

Unfortunately I've asked for Moorfields next year since it's close to home etc and apparently they're even worse 0-0

Today was a much better day though. I talked to my placement tutor about it and she said I needed to set myself lower goals maybe and was really nice to me all morning, and I don't have Nicola again until next Friday morning, and that's just for Fields, so.

Hopefully things are going to get better.

Moorfields is actually better. I know someone who went to both places and they loved Moorfields, the odd bad day and the bedbugs in the YMCA aside! Good to hear today was better - you'll have ups and downs throughout I'm sure, but one week down and three left ^^