Meme

[tahariel]

I saw this meme on alexia75's journal and thought it actually sounded quite good. so I thought I'd try it.

List ten things you want to say to people but you know you never will.
-Don't say who they are, use people only once.
-Tag at least 3 other people who you want to do this. <-- this part I'm ignoring, so do it if you want to.

I ended up doing twelve. By accident. I'd like to say that I cried when writing some of these, by which I mean that they're close to my heart.

I want to tell you things about me, the things that are really hard to tell anybody, but every time I ever have you've brushed me aside and ignored them, not even on purpose but so uncaringly that you don't even notice what I've given you. So I don't tell you those things any more.

I never feel like you care about me. I feel like I could die without you noticing I was gone.

Sometimes I feel like you're the only people I trust to keep me sane.

I know you didn't do it on purpose. I know you didn't want to. But I wish you hadn't.

You have no idea how much your easily-given kindness means to me.

I feel like I'm always on a razor's edge with you - you've got so much going on inside yourself that I have to pretend that I'm fine and keep it from you when I'm sad, because it's the only thing I can do for you.

It's time to grow up and realise that not everything is about you. I love you but I can't stand to be anywhere near you. You put me on the defensive as soon as I hear your voice. And I hate the way you treat my sister, like an easy target for your self-absorbed venom.

You listen to what I have to say, but I never feel like you try to do anything about it. You mean well.

Sometimes I feel that you're wonderful. Then you say or do something that proves how little you understand people and I feel wounded.

I don't believe you when you say you've changed.

You have so much going for you and yet you destroy it all on a whim, fluctuating from one mood to the next so randomly that I'm never sure if you mean half of it.

You were young, yes, but that was no excuse for the way you treated me.

Comments

[orcses.livejournal.com]

So happy for you!! Going to university-ness. I hopes you muchly enjoy it though I imagine you'll be really ancy to go for the next few months and will probably drive yourself mad! MAAAAAAAAAD! Just a couple of things to say relating to different posts so thought I'd just attach it to this one. You're probably over it now but I hate the way exam systems work. Fuzzy is, and always will be, 100x my intellectual superior yet she was considered lucky if she ever got above a D. That sucks. Similarly, you're not stupid. But now you've had a couple of days to chill you probably know that. And also if any of the above related to me (and I don't mean that to be egotistical - I have no reason to assume that we're close enough friends anymore for any of them to have something to do with me) but if I'd make you feel better you can hit me with a full on lemon session at your party. I think as a friendship group at Chally girls we never vented as much as other people's groups. Not even behind each others backs (as far as I know). Maybe we were closer than most and that's why. Me no know. But if any of the things you wanted to say related to our clan then obviously there were things that you wanted to say.

Hugs
Apologies for the ramble. I'm in a veeeery wierd place today

Plastic